well I can't set my house on fire every night
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
