All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
