Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
