Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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