can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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