I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
