I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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