I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
