it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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