Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
