i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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