He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
smell my finger.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
