You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
