I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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