Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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