4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
