You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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