The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
