You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
