The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
