i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
