The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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