I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
