We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
