dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This is classic penis vs brain.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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