So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
