My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
