Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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