I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
