So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
