I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
