Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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