You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
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He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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