so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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