Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
