dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
