he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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