Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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