watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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