I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
4 words: hood of his car
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Randomize
