Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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