should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
