if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Mom said you looked used
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
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