Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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