I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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