Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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