addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You're a waste of cheezeits
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
