I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
