Umm I'm too high to move.
It's Friday. Sex?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
