We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
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JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
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All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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