i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
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he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
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The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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