I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
