I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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