So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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