girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
