Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
