woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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