The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
