I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
