im drinking this country out of the recession.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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