Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
