Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
