Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I could fuck to npr.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
