Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
