if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
