First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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