I bet he comes in French.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
