i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
