she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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